Reclaiming my voice

My vocal coach says I should share clips of my singing, but I’m too scared :D Years of having my appearance scrutinised and criticised have left me camera shy. I’m also scared to share audio clips, because a part of me thinks they’re ‘not good enough’. My vocal coach disagrees wholeheartedly with that statement, so whose ears am I listening with? Not hers, but not mine either…

Infants and kids have naturally strong voices (hello, parents with kids under the age of 5!). It’s how our species has survived. Like lots of little girls, I used to have a voice that was comfortable with very high notes. And somewhere along the way, I was conditioned into a muted version of myself. Unable to give voice to what was inside, I developed jaw, neck and shoulder tension and would involuntarily grind my teeth in my sleep (I don’t recommend this - have actually chipped some teeth this way). And I took on beliefs about myself - untrue beliefs - about my worth, how I stand with other people, and my place in the world.

Making myself small and quiet helped me survive my initial conditions. Thankfully, I’ve now intentionally removed myself from those circumstances. But conditioned beliefs (and neck tension) don’t evaporate overnight. As an adult, I’ve been doing a lot of work excavating those messages and clearing them out. Ngl it’s not easy, but for me personally it’s been the right choice, and I’m so grateful that I set out on this path, letting go of what’s not mine. Piano piano, the untrue beliefs have less of a hold on me, and I can sing again.

So what’s my next tiny little step? I’d like to share audio clips of my singing practice. Not finished, finessed, perfected (WTH is that, even?) audio, but just audio of where I’m at right now, on my journey to reclaiming my voice.